What is Attachment?
Attachment is a universal human experience, and one that is essential for parents, educators, and those working in mental health to understand. But what is it, and what are the attachment styles?
The first attachments we experience in life are between us as an infant, and our caregiver. Born totally helpless, human babies need all the help they can get to survive, and as a result, attachments are essential. Through “social releasers” like crying, cuddling, suckling, and later, smiling and seeking proximity to the caregiver, infants promote the attachment, and in return, are protected and nurtured. The responses they receive from their caregiver are crucial as they inform the development of an Internal Working Model; a sort of blueprint for what to expect from relationships, and what to think of themselves.
When a parent is “good enough” (no need for perfection here!) in terms of their attunement and responsiveness, the child internalises positive messages like “when I cry, somebody comes” and “when I am uncomfortable, somebody tries to make it better”. Their Internal Working Model is built around a self that is worthy of care, and benevolent others who will try to provide it.
However, if the caregiver is neglectful, inconsistent, punitive, or overwhelmed, the child’s needs may not be well met, and they might develop an Internal Working Model in which their needs are not important and others are scary, confusing, or absent.
This Internal Working Model stays with a child as they grow and informs how they interact with the world, and the strategies they use to get their needs met. If things continue as they are, this will become more and more ingrained, but with reparative experiences, the model can become more flexible or even change to incorporate new learning. When a child has a positive Internal Working Model, their attachment style is generally secure, whilst a negative model is more likely to be associated with an insecure attachment style.
Let's learn a bit about attachment styles...
In the 1970s, Mary Ainsworth (a Developmental Psychologist) conducted an observation of 12-18-month-old children in an experiment called The Strange Situation.
The Strange Situation involved a series of three-minute episodes in which the toddler found themselves in the room with different combinations of people, or alone. Sometimes they were with their mother and the experimenter, sometimes with their mother and a stranger, sometimes just with their mother or just with a stranger, and sometimes they were alone.
The observer rated the toddler’s responses in terms of exploratory behaviours, seeking behaviours (looking for mum), and affect (crying or smiling).
Based on observations of the toddlers in this study, Ainsworth proposed that there were three attachment styles – Secure, Insecure Avoidant, and Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant. A fourth type – Disorganised – was later added by Main and Solomon in 1990.
Secure Attachment Style
If a child has a sensitive parent who is responsive and aware and accurately interprets their cues more often than not, they are likely to have a secure attachment style.
Children who are securely attached feel able to explore and learn when their parent is nearby, and can use them as a safe base, returning to them if they are anxious, want help, or want to share a discovery.
Secure children are confident their needs will be met and are easily soothed by their caregiver. Because their needs are understood and addressed well more often than not, the child learns to recognise and meet their own needs over time, developing good problem-solving and emotion regulation skills.
In the Strange Situation, secure children tended to be distressed when their mother left, avoidant of the stranger when alone, but friendly when mum was present, and happy on mum’s return. They were observed to use their mum as a safe base from which to explore the room when she was present.
Avoidant Attachment (Insecure) Style
If a child constantly experiences their caregiver as unavailable, disinterested, rejecting, insensitive, or neglectful, they might develop an avoidant attachment style. Internalising a sense that their distress has no impact on others, they might minimise expressions of need and avoid contact with their caregiver.
Avoidant children might explore very little and show no overt signs of distress when separated from their caregivers (though heart rate studies suggest this is felt, just not displayed).
Their behaviour is understood to be adapted to allow them to stay close enough to the caregiver to be safe without evoking a rejecting reaction.
In the Strange Situation, avoidant children appeared unconcerned by mum leaving, played equally well with the stranger present, were disinterested in their mother’s return, and were equally well comforted by the mum and the stranger.
Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment (Insecure) Style
If a child experiences their caregiver as intrusive or inconsistent due to the parent being insecure, anxious, or overly concerned with their own needs, they may develop an ambivalent/resistant attachment style.
Children with this attachment style might be clingy yet reject the parent when they attempt to interact with them. They might learn to amplify their signals of distress to ensure the caregiver responds, but then express anger that they cannot be depended on and struggle to be soothed. These children may find it difficult to play and explore as they cannot tolerate separation from their caregiver.
In the Strange Situation, ambivalent/resistant children were extremely distressed by their mother leaving and terrified of the stranger. They cried more and explored less than the other children, and approached but then resisted their mother on reunion.
Disorganised Attachment (Insecure) Style
An infant who has a caregiver who is frightened or frightening might develop a disorganised attachment style. The child experiences “fear without solution” because the person they want comfort from when they are scared is the person who is scaring them. As a child’s natural instinct is to seek proximity to their caregiver when distressed they might display confused behaviours such as starting to approach them then stopping suddenly, withdrawing, collapsing, or lashing out at them.
This kind of attachment style is most commonly seen in children whose caregivers have experienced significant loss or trauma themselves and struggle to understand other minds.
Unfortunately, disorganised attachments can be intergenerational because caregivers who struggle with their own emotions, needs, and trauma may be disturbed by the emotions and demands of their child and respond in unhealthy ways.
A final point...
Attachment experiences in childhood significantly impact an individual’s relationships with themselves and others. However, all is not lost if things start out poorly. Attachment styles can and do change over time with reparative experiences, and if you get to adulthood with an insecure attachment style there is such a thing as “earned security” which can be achieved by working through and understanding your earlier difficulties and experiences.
I will share more about adult attachment styles in future, but for now, if you want to know more about the stages of attachment and other relevant studies, please feel free to browse my Instagram posts or check out the Bear in Mind Attachment Cards available in my shop.
I hope this was helpful!
Bear in Mind xXx
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